mkrs

 

Home

Forum

Experiences

Chat room

Related Disorders

 Links

About

 Donate

 I am mkrs, female, 22 years old, diagnosed with Depression just last December 2009 taking Lexapro.

A LITTLE BACKGROUND:

I looked back and figured that I was still around 10 years old when the first signs and symptoms of depression have started, but it wasn't until last year when I finally got help.

My weight, which is the one of the causes of my depression, has always been an issue in my family. Almost always, they constantly make fun of me. I avoided any social event: reunions, gatherings, and even just eating in front of anyone. I always (and I still do) eat alone in my room.

I have grown to be a pessimist with low self-esteem and zero confidence. Although I am good at putting on a mask for everyone, inside, I am broken and lost. I am afraid of commitment, afraid of people, afraid of criticisms, and afraid of the real world.

I thought all this was normal, but eventually I found out I was the only one like this. I started to cope on my own, and began with the goal of an 80 lb weight loss. I lost about 40 lbs., and already it felt great.

Unfortunately, I didn't get to enjoy still-overweight-but-now-slimmer body because I got diagnosed with Pott's Disease, Tuberculosis of the Spine.

I was bedridden for 2 months. I had to stay flat in bed with no bathroom privileges (bedpan anyone?) I had to wear a very heavy and a very hard body brace 24/7 for the next 9 months and I had to take anti-Tuberculosis medications for a year.

My treatment ended March of 2009, and I started rehabilitation. Fortunately, I can still walk, but I will forever have experience back pain due to a collapsed spine.

Although I know I should be grateful, but my mood started to go downhill. I re-gained back (and more) all the weight that I lost. My memory became dull, and my confidence was shattered (imagine wearing a body brace everywhere you go) Basically, I was in a wreck.

After my treatment, my parents wanted me to study Medicine. So after my treatment, I immediately enrolled in school. I must tell you, Medicine is not for everyone, especially if your heart is not into it. The 6 months I spent in there triggered a lot more symptoms, so last December, I finally decided to drop out and seek professional help.

Right now, I am still finding my way to the right path. I really hope I find it soon, as being attacked by the Beast is not really a pleasurable experience.

Copyright 2003 Beating The Beast. All rights reserved.  
Revised: 01/26/07.

Web design provided by Scully22