My name is Ken, I go by
PhotoKen here at BTB. I am now 43 years old, married for 22 years to a
very supportive wife and have two "kids' A daughter, age 21, recently
married, and a son age 20 still living at home with us. We also live
with a sheltie named Luc and two cats, Jasmine and Rhiannon. We live
in Indiana, USA.
In June of 2000 I found myself battling for a desire to live. I went
to see my MD with hopes of an easy answer but he diagnosed me with
Depression and set up an appointment with a therapist. This came as a
blow to me because even though I knew that my life had been a hard
one, I felt I had coped, but my ability to just cope had just run out
of energy. I felt that I was wearing a heavy black robe and I was
being forced to try to live with it.
I've been in therapy now for over 3 years with the same person. She
was able to see that my primary issue was not depression but PTSD due
to childhood abuse. I endured sexual, physical, and emotional abuse at
the hands of the people that should have been protecting me as a
child. I had lived with this, keeping the truths of my childhood in a
secret place in my mind. But It was not happy being hidden anymore and
the poison had to come out. I have endured flashbacks, nightmares and
periods of disassociation due to this.
In these past three years I have been hospitalized once for my own
protection, a time of intense pain that I cannot believe I lived
through. I also fractured my hip earlier this year in a bicycling
accident, a time of incredible physical pain, and I am still working
on that healing.
My love is photography and I am trying to set up some small
opportunities for exhibitions in the coming year. Last fall I was
able to do one of the dreams of my life, visit England and photograph
some of it's history. My first exhibit will be of those photographs.
When I am physically healthy I love bike riding and fencing. Both of
which has been set aside right now while my hip mends.
I now see therapy as an ongoing requirement in my life. I cannot see
an end to it right now. I am taking Anti-Depressant drugs to keep me a
level playing field while I work on draining myself of the poison that
has lived inside me for so long. In looking back over my entire life I
now realize how much was wrong and how it has affected me
My occupation is in a technical field, computer network systems,
manufacturing metrology, quality auditor. This keeps me very busy
where I work and I am fortunate to have this career.
I have met some of the most beautiful people of my life on Depression
sites such as Beating The Beast. I have also been fortunate to have
met some of these people and have learned to trust people, something
alien to me before now.