Beating the Beast

 

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Ok well first of all I would like to say I am 14 years old and I'm going into high school. A lot of people I know don't think kids can get depressed and they think we don't even know what depression is. Well I AM depressed so I guess I just want you all to know what anyone at any age can experience depression.
 
Well, this is my story and sorry if I bore you but I plan to go back from the beginning....
 
When I was 6 my dad died from alcoholism.  His liver failed after spending 2 weeks on the street and then another two in the hospital.  I didn't see him the last month of his life and I never will see him.  I will never be able to call him dad and when I get married I won't have him to walk me down the aisle.  For a few years that to me was ok, but when I turned 12 I experienced something known as a paper cut.  That got me into cutting and then slashing then a whole other mess.  I finally told my mom which she freaked out and started crying.

I had my friends though. We were the 3 stooges. We were together forever, best friends. We would talk forever and to me as long as I had that, everything was ok. I went into therapy and was diagnosed with post traumatic stress disorder, agitated depression, depression, extreme anxiety, and an addiction for cutting. I was put on Zoloft and went to therapy every week or every other week. Things started looking up. I wasn't cutting as much and I was smiling.

Then things went down hill. My friend left me to go to a mental hospital and my other friend went into alcohol.  I started cutting and slashing and crying. I missed my dad. For the first time it hit me. I have no dad, never will. They upped my meds and again things got better.

My friend came back but she wasn't the same. I guess things between the 3 stooges fell apart. A few weeks ago they left me and basically threw me to the curb, right after the only thing I ever loved died, my dog, who was my best friend. The one thing I knew would never leave me left me in a sudden tumor growth.  Now I have one friend, KT.  My old friends resent me and cant stand to even mention my name.

My dog has died, my shrink knows nothing about me.  I never take my meds. and I'm entering high school.  Still depressed, still lonely, still me.

 
This is my story...my world...this is me...
 
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Revised: 04/02/05.

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